Q. I’m worried my girlfriend of four years might be cheating on me. She keeps coming up with reasons not to see me and when we do hang out, she’s distracted and gets irritated if I ask her about it. We can’t even sit at dinner without her checking her Facebook 30 times, it just makes me wonder if something is going on. We haven’t had a fight or anything so it’s just weird. She has a lot of male Facebook friends (ones I don’t know from her hometown) but I can’t tell from any comments if anyone seems more than friendly. Trying to talk to her just causes problems so I need to find out on my own I guess. How can I tell for sure if my girlfriend is cheating on me?
A. Any sudden change in behavior in your girlfriend would understandably cause you to be concerned – unfortunately cheating has become so mainstream, it’s the first thing we think of when our partner’s behavior changes. Since you’ve tried talking to her and she gets irritated, and she won’t confide in you if something else is going on in her life, it’s obvious whatever it is, you are not included. This doesn’t necessarily mean she’s cheating, there could be many reasons for her new behavior, but the most important thing is you are ‘vibing’ something is off and it’s affecting your relationship either way.
The first thing to do would be to look for other signs typical to cheating girlfriends. Of course everyone is different, but there are some classic characteristics that females take on when they are cheating on their boyfriends. If she exhibits a handful of these signs, it might be wise to dig deeper.
Common signs of girlfriend cheating:
1. Change in appearance - she changes her hair, goes on a diet, buys new clothes, paints her fingernails, etc – this is common to every female, so do not take this as a signal by itself.
2. Attentive to her appearance - this goes along with #1 but she is suddenly more attentive to looking sexier, she dresses up more, puts on makeup to run out to the grocery store, puts on perfume daily – she’s just suddenly very aware and attentive of her appearance in general, with no real explanation.
3. Distractedness - she just doesn’t seem “there”…she seems preoccupied, distant, not engaged in enjoying the time you spend together.
4. Irritability - she’s more quick-tempered, irritable and moody… if you ask her questions she gets angry or defensive. She seems unhappy in normal settings like family activities or events with groups of your mutual friends.
5. Change in schedule - all of sudden she’s coming home late, leaving earlier or has a lot of extra work functions or other events that don’t include you.
6. New Friends - she has new friends she keeps hanging out with that you’ve never met, or suddenly is hanging out repeatedly with a girlfriend she hasn’t mentioned in awhile.
7. Change in sexual behavior - she either avoids you like the plague or acts ‘different’ when being intimate, maybe wants to try new things or alternatively, looks like she’d rather be anywhere else.
8. Insulting you - suddenly you can do no right…she gets irritated at you very easily and highlights negative things about you. (helps justify her dalliance in her head)
9. Secretive - she stops checking her email or Facebook in front of you or she stays up late “working” on the computer after you’ve gone to bed. Maybe even excuses herself to go to the restroom with her purse (and cell phone) several times while you’re out.
10. A new hobby/interest - she suddenly has taken up a new hobby or interest (especially something not typical to her personality) but hasn’t attempted to include you. Does she suddenly love the Yankees, although she hates baseball? Has become a wine connoisseur although she only drinks fruity drinks? Basically just keep an eye on any type of unusual new interest…females often get suddenly enamored with a paramour’s interests.
11. Protective of her cell phone or laptop - her cell phone is always hidden, always on silent or vibrate, and she won’t let it out of her sight. Her laptop never comes out when you’re around or she makes up excuses if you ask to use it.
12. No plans with you - she focuses more effort on making plans that don’t include you or rarely initiates quality time to with you.
13. Encourages your activities – she suddenly encourages you to go play golf, go out with your buddies or even go out of town.
While any of these signs alone could mean nothing, if she exhibits several of them, you may want to look a little further.
Here are some additional links if you want to find out if your girlfriend is cheating on you: