Q: My wife has been with the same company for 8 years. Over the last year she’s been unhappy there, always in a bad mood when she comes home, even talked about looking for another job. But something’s changed. About two months ago her company closed the branch office and brought new employees into her office. Ever since then she just seems like a different person. All of a sudden she’s happy to be there, she stays later at night and has even worked a few weekends. The other night she came home wearing more makeup than when she left that morning. I also found a bag of new work clothes in her car. She seems distracted and preoccupied and gets agitated if I ask her about it. There’s one guy in particular I’m wondering about, she’s mentioned his name a few times. How can I tell if my wife is cheating at work?
A: Coworker affairs can be hard to detect because the two people have a “reason” to be together — while you, on the other hand, have absolutely no reason to be there with them. But it’s unlikely they’ll carry on strictly during work hours or on company turf – they will find ways to communicate and meet away from the office.
So, how can you tell if she’s having an affair?
First, get to know the classic signs of a cheating wife: Unfaithful Cheating Wife Signs — It doesn’t matter where an affair takes place – these signs can be a red flag.
In addition to the classic signs, look for these Signs Specific To a Coworker Affair:
1. She seems extra chipper to head off to work in the morning. She may get up extra early to do her hair and makeup. Or, she behaves normally but keeps clothing or makeup in her car (she could be changing into more attractive clothes and adding makeup after she leaves the house)
2. She works late or has taken on a lot more responsibility or extra projects (although her paycheck hasn’t increased and her enthusiasm hasn’t decreased)
3. She wants to talk about work often (but gets aggravated when you ask too many questions). Or alternatively, suddenly doesn’t mention work at all or has an over-the-top negative attitude.
Her behavior towards her job can be a good indication as this is the “scene of the crime”. Combined with other signs, watch for unusual reactions here, positive or negative. Just use your gut here because all females react differently.
4. She has a lot of work related functions that you’re not invited to.
5. She’s possessive about her purse, briefcase, car — anything that goes to work with her each day.
If you notice any of these cheating signs, time to dig a little deeper…
Find a way to interact with her coworkers – office parties, picnics, fundraisers, happy hours – anything that puts you in contact in a social setting with her and her coworkers together. More times than not, you’ll just be able to “tell” if something is going on.
If there’s someone in particular you suspect, watch your wife’s reaction when she gets near this guy. She’ll be visibly tense and working hard to act a certain way. She’ll either be trying to act nonchalant, perhaps even insult the guy behind his back to deflect her interest or she’ll be working to have you guys be great buddies — if you approve of the guy and have something in common, this takes the pressure off of her — you are less likely to suspect a “buddy”.
On the other hand if she completely avoids this guy, although you know they work together and are friendly — take note also. Make a point to go over and strike up a conversation with him, then wave her over. You need an opportunity to “vibe” the two of them together.
If it’s not possible to attend work functions try this: offer to pick her up for lunch – if she declines, show up to surprise her with lunch anyway.
Make a point to pop in unexpectedly every once in awhile. Watch her reaction. If she seems nervous or fidgety or aggravated, beware. (especially if you are doing something nice for her).
If you do vibe something and suspect an affair? Time to find out for certain.
1. Install a GPS Tracker – This hidden device on her car will show you exactly where she’s been, even in real-time.
2. Investigate Her Cell Phone – Install cell phone spy software, get an SMS text reader or an iPhone Spy Device
3. Monitor Her Computer – Install invisible computer spy software to read emails, see websites she’s visiting, and record instant messages.
Tools To Catch a Cheating Wife – See everything you need to catch an office affair